Chapter 30: Invisible Girl
"Sorry for taking so long, Ryuugamine-kun." Hirawa greeted, slipping through the door. Kiyoshi latched it back, staring at the boy's right leg falling behind as they walked towards the bench. "I hadn't slipped away like ever. They were a little suspicious."
Kiyoshi grabbed his bento from the seat and scooted beside the boy. "Your friends? Are you alright with being apart from them?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" Hirawa shrugged off nonchalantly, extending his body upwards. He certainly looked more peaceful than their first meeting. "I have known them since elementary. We are kind of stuck together, you know?" They shared a moment of silence. "Thank you for the charm, again." From the edge of his phone hung a light red strap, a cute animal riding a ball. "Why an otter?" he asked curiously.
Kiyoshi fidgeted and smiled sheepishly. "They are adorable and attentive. Li-like yo-u."
Hirawa twirled the figurine between his index finger and thumb. "Thank you. It's a nice memento. Too bad we couldn't buy matching ones."
Kiyoshi mirrored him and took out his phone. "Yeah, but I like this." It resembled the black kitty and made him feel playful. Otters were also carnivores, but he didn't say it.
"Is it alright if I meet them one day?" Hirawa asked in a hopeful tone. "You came all the way from the next prefecture to meet me."
Kiyoshi smiled. "Uhn, I would be happy to! I'm sure they'll like you."
Hirawa clapped giddily. "Yay! I don't have any pets. This is the first time I meet an animal face to face." They continued talking as they leisurely ate. It seemed some people just fit in wherever they went. Kiyoshi was glad to be acquaintanced with him.
"--Kun. Ryuugamine-kun!"
"Oh, sorry."
"Is something bothering you? You literally spaced out."
Kiyoshi stared at his companion at eye level. His nose, his eyes, his lips. When his mind wandered, she appeared. In his dreams too. "Um, first," he replied, "you can call me 'Kiyoshi.'"
"Kiyoshi-kun then." Wow, that went smoother than he thought. His denomination under Hirawa's lips retained its kindness, fortunately. Despite his mature height, his voice was still like a child's.
"This may sound weird. Very weird." He breathed in, giving himself time to confirm there wasn't room for error in his hunch. "The day we met a station I saw a girl. And you. . . remind me of her." What the actual fuck, that sounded so dumb. That could have been his sister or a cousin. It didn't have to be him. "Sorry, it's really stupid."
Hirawa replied slowly. "What did you think of her?" It wasn't mocking nor innocently inquiring. Kiyoshi realized he was trying to cover up his feelings.
"Ummm. . ."--Ignoring the dream--"She was pretty, I think. Um, her dress. I liked it." Doesn't that make him sound like a pervert? He gazed at the tips of his school slippers rubbing against each other. "Beautiful. She was. . . beautiful."
"How beautiful?" Kiyoshi lowered his head but thought of a reply. However, Hirawa continued. "Do you want to see her again?"
"There's something I want to confirm," Kiyoshi hesitated. "If it's not too much of a trouble."
"It's not. Not at all." Kiyoshi carefully placed a hand on Hirawa's trembling fists, caressing the knuckles with his thumb. He smiled at the black-haired boy. "It'll be alright. I'm sure."
Nothing could have prepared him for what was about to happen. Not even the nagging suspicions that poked his gut. If there was something Kiyoshi he could trust, it would be that feeling.
⚽️🐰⚽️
Hirawa pressed on choosing a secluded place. That energy seized him by surprise. He had to admit is boyfriend was ordinary until now. Fortunately, Hirawa accepted gathering in the same place. Kiyoshi only had to wait in the school library until he was contacted.
"Ryuugamine-kun." Except the call didn't come from his phone. This boy kept surprising him.
Hirawa's smile was anxious and stiff. Kiyoshi didn't know what to do but continuing to follow silently. He glanced at the black duffle bag hanging on the boy's left shoulder. Could he assume his instinct was correct? Hirawa was silent. He wanted to ask, but his lover's serious expression told him it might break his resolution.
When they reached the rooftop, Hirawa ordered him to wait and retreated behind the door without sparing him a glance. Kiyoshi stared at the sky, clouds here and there. Days were longer, so it was bright despite the time. He glanced at the space Hirawa had disappeared. Even if he was aware his lover was most likely to be half-naked, it didn't affect him. After all, it may not be his _boy_friend. He scratched the back of his head and heaved. But if he imagined a girl behind that structure, it stirred him a little--if it was the same person as Hirawa.
Hirawa called him almost an hour later. Kiyoshi felt his muscles relax. He had asked a few times if he was okay. Tentatively, he scooted to the nearest wall as if he were peeping. His heart was beating against his ribcage.
For a moment, he thought Hirawa was a magician. The boy that must have been there had disappeared. In his place was a jittery girl. When she saw him, she flinched. Both stuttered, evading their eyes. Kiyoshi felt his face flush.
"Ho-how do I lo-look?"
Kiyoshi slowly brought his gaze back. Pushing his body away from the wall while latching onto it for reassurance, he faced the person.
Boyish wavy hair had become long and straight. The hideous mushy green uniform was a pretty, caste dress. A lovely dress for a lovely girl. A dress out of a shoujo manga. "I-I th-think--" He bit his tongue by accident. He prayed he wouldn't get another attack. "Cu-cute! You look cu-te." The way he was squeezing his arm was surprisingly girly. However, this thought drenched Kiyoshi with worry. Hirawa--he--she. Kiyoshi has never known someone who wore clothes like those. . . He was confused.
"Are you scared of me?" Hirawa asked. Kiyoshi shook his head furiously. "You look nervous," he said wistfully. "I. . ."
Kiyoshi stared at the tiled floor. "I-it's not you. I-I pro-mise."
"Kiyoshi. . . kun," Hirawa whispered. In his mind, Kiyoshi could picture the same boy he went on a date with. "Will you accept me as your girlfriend?"
Kiyoshi hated his heart immediately yelled 'NO.' He cupped his mouth and lowered his head, wanting to stab himself in the stomach for betraying the one that had feelings for him. "Can we. . . take this slower? This is. . . a lot to take in." There was a chance to accept Hirawa. He just had to find how.
"Sure! What do you want to know?" Hirawa's voice was vibrant like on date day. Kiyoshi was happy he was happy, but he had reached his limit. He leaned his forehead on the wall, away. It was then that he noticed he was shaking like a small lamb. Pathetic.
"Kiyoshi-kun? What's wrong?" He heard Hirawa approach with light steps before placing a hand on his shoulder.
Kiyoshi pried her away and crashed his rear against the wall. "Please, don't touch me!" His voice was shaking and he wanted to cry. He couldn't stare at Hirawa's girly face, and staring at the dress was just as terrifying. He covered his eyes. "I'm scared of girls," he admitted.
"You see me as a girl?!" Hirawa beamed. Kiyoshi recoiled. She hadn't moved an inch.
"Please!" Her presence was making him lose his mind. "Please. Please. . . move away."
"Oh, sorry!" She shuffled. "I'm happy you accept me. You do. . . look terrible," he muttered. "I'll change out for you."
Kiyoshi sniffled. "Thank you."
"Why not sit instead? I'll give you a hand. You don't have to look."
Kiyoshi brought his knees to his chest as soon as he fell on the bench. Fear had erased the concept of time. He couldn't tell how long he had waited for Hirawa to come back.
"How are you feeling?" Hirawa asked, setting right beside Kiyoshi. Their voice wasn't as high-pitched as before. Kiyoshi was disappointed Hirawa's familiar tone was in fact forced. He gradually turned his head to his boyfriend--lover!--and threw himself to his arms. The body was warm and the hold reassuring. Kiyoshi sniffled. "I'm sorry I didn't accept you properly."
"No," Hirawa breathed out and buried his nose on Kiyoshi's shoulder. "You accepted me. Thank you so much."
Kiyoshi concealed his face on the crook of Hirawa's neck and cried. Then, he told Hirawa why he was terrified of girls: all the terrible things that had happened because of them. "When you touched me, maybe I thought you were going to hurt me," he explained. "Not because I thought you were a freak." He felt Hirawa nod. Was he soaring in bliss he didn't care about what Kiyoshi had just said? "Um, hey." Kiyoshi moved away, taking a moment to admire the person in front of him. The distance was just right to kiss. Hirawa was still wearing make-up and that face was super attractive. Focus, Kiyoshi, focus! There were two vital things he had to ask. But he didn't want to take his arms off Hirawa's neck.
To his luck, Hirawa was the first to react. He looked down, face red. Thank god. After Kiyoshi had got a hold of himself, he asked. "Um, say. Um, first, do-do you--" Kiyoshi stopped. "You like me as a girl, right?"
Hirawa peeked up and nodded bashfully. "Like a girl likes a boy."
"You. . . you don't like me because I'm a foreigner, do you?"
Hirawa tilted her head. "I'm half Korean. I'm a foreigner too."
Kiyoshi puffed his cheeks. "You know what I'm talking about!" Nevertheless, it was a surprise to know Hirawa's origins.
The short-haired girl (ew) giggled. "I don't like you because you are a foreigner," she answered.
Kiyoshi relaxed. "You are different," he whispered. "In a good way."
"You don't like to be treated as a foreigner like I don't like to be treated as a boy, is it?" Kiyoshi grimaced. The words ruined the mood a little, but he knew what Hirawa wanted to establish. He hummed in agreement.
"Do you mind if I refer to you as a male in my head?" Hirawa mulled over, eventually agreeing because it would lessen Kiyoshi's fear. "We'll talk lots about you in time." He caressed the boy's cheek with his thumb, powder coating his finger. "You look pretty. I like how you did your make-up."
Hirawa blushed, eyes wide. It must have been unusual for a girl, a boy caressing her cheek in this position. He set the same thumb between her bottom lip and chin, tilting her head up ever so slightly. He smiled as he saw the same desire pool Hirawa's eyes. He scooted closer and brought their foreheads together. "Can we kiss?" Kiyoshi whispered.
Hirawa flinched, and while neither moved, Kiyoshi noticed his partner swallow. "Not how you imagined your first kiss to come?" Honestly, neither him, seducing a girl into it. But the way he was doing it was true to himself, not like in the movies. There were many things he wanted to talk with Hirawa. Particularly, what each wanted out of this relationship and liked to feel.
When their noses were about to touch, Mikio whispered, "I thought you liked boys. Why are you okay with me being a girl?"
Kiyoshi stared deep at Hirawa's coal eyes. "Maybe I do like girls. You appeared in my dreams after all. As a girl."
"I was a girl? Biology and all?"
Kiyoshi hummed. "It was a dirty dream. Why do you think I wanted to see you again?"
Hirawa blushed more and a smile peeked from his lips. That gesture of delight spoke for itself. Hirawa wasn't plain at all. He loved swimming and girly things. Just like otters may look cute on the outside, holding hands as they floated in the rivers, they were predators by nature. What other mysteries did Hirawa hide? Kiyoshi couldn't wait to find out.
Invisible Girl | End